dNa personal story - and special gift for our community

[RA]

Hello Scopians!

It's me, Ray from dNa. A couple of years ago i put a lot of time and knowledge, but most of all, my love and passion in the devices of dNa. And then all of a sudden it became quiet around dNa. I truly am sorry for that! I have had reasons for that.

From time to time i checked a bit on the fora, got personal messages from some of you, got totally shocked by the passing of Jim aka Dawman in corona time...but for a long time my fire was at an absolute low...i just couldn't and i had a weird kind of peace of locking this part of me and having thrown away the key. Just a couple of days ago i got a lovely mail from a regular mailer, Loren, to whom i explained a bit what actually happened in my life in the meantime and where i am now.

His mail and response triggered me into contacting Holger again, and made me decide to just share a bit of these last years. Call it therapy if you will. I need to share it.

First of all: I like this community! I really do. Actually...we mostly don't know a lot from eachother but the fact that we share our love in this niche of audioland, an almost forgotten platform but still immensly appreciated for its qualities along with its quircks...Scopians are an extraordinary breed.

So...here's a bit from my personal story from these last years.

It is the time that my highschool sweetheart cheated on me, around the end of 2013, left our relation and house and i was freewheeling for a couple of months. I met someone and by 'accident' she got pregnant while we were not in a relationship. She couldn't and wouldn't end the pregnancy, so i decided that i would try to give my child a home and give a relationship a chance. A day before she would be evicted because of a huge rental debt she called and told me, so what do you do?...i took her in. I did not come from a broken home so it seemed the best choice then. My son was born 11th of april 2015.

We called my son Deon, in those early years i developed and released my plugins. After releasing the studio tools, classics and effects i was working on a plugins bundle that would fulfill a wish of Holger for the platform. Upon the birth of my son Deon i decided to call it the dNa-DeON. Being a perfectionist a kept working and reworking the plugin. Gary, Jimmy and Holger did some great testing on it....

In the meantime a lot of debts came from the previous life of the mother of Deon. After a visit from the bailiff threatening to take MY belonging to pay her debts I discovered a drawer full of unopened bills and reminders. It piled up and up. I could not take it anymore. Even my accountant could not make anything from the mess...eventually i looked at her and said to her that we are not going to make eachother happy.

I tore my family apart.
That was the hardest thing i had ever done.

I was even more sad than when my youngest brother Maurice de Jager took his own life back in 2008. He had demons he couldn't handle anymore. It happened while my father did his tour in Afghanistan. Our family was devastated. Now, i think that it was selfish of us wanting him to continue, even when he was so depressed, sad, unhappy...he couldn't handle life. He played his guitar, his violin and piano for comfort, but he eventually found his rest...he left a note which, amongst other things, said: 'viva la musica', let the music live.

So...back to breaking up my family....my son was 4 years old, his sister 6 when we told them we would breakup. Ofcourse they were sad, but they actually handled it wel. Kids rather come from a broken family, than being in the middle of it i guess. Kids are resilient.

Well, within three months i was able to find a house. I left her with most of the household inventory and a car, took my audio gear and some personal stuff and started over...a couple of hundred meters from where my previous house is.

I worked around the clock for one and a half month to make a beautifull house for the kids. We would opt for coparenting, and that is what we did. One week with me, one week with her.

Since i wanted to provide stability, structure and discipline, with the mom anything was possible, i was slowly draining all my energy.
In the new house i never came to actually setting up the mixing room with my scopesystem and ALL the other audiostuff. In the meantime i have sold the producerdesk furniture, acoustic treatments and my yamaha dm2000 mixing desk. I needed to declutter. I loved the time i was having with the kids. Swimming, playing outside with them, biking going to playgrounds...you name it...i did it fullheartedly with them.

Around the block there was this new kid in town. A filipino boy with whom my kids loved playing, and i got friendly with him too. The situation at his home wasn't perfect. His mom left with him to come to the Netherlands, and ended up with her 'husband' in an mentally abusive relationship with him being an alcoholic psychopath.

I knew the guy since he kinda welcomed me into the neighbourhood, seemed like an okay guy at the time. But during the first months i recognised a pattern of an alcoholic. Due to the experience with my brother. And you know...the guy's name was also Maurice. My memory of that guys really stained the memory of my brother's name. He also used the nickname 'Maus', just like my brother.

When i met his filipina wife, he wasn't home. I just hopped over to visit him and stumbled upon her. In hindsight we can say it was love at first sight. We looked at eachother and really saw eachother. What an amazing woman, so vibrant, funny, loving, beautifull....if she would ever end the relationship with him, i had to make her mine. She was mine...from the other side of the world, literally, sent by my brother.

Anyway..we were talking and then her husband came in and her personality just went up in smoke. A ghost, an empty shell....there was something wrong there. A couple of weeks later i took her kid along swimming and later in the evening i got a 'thank you' message from her. Thanking me for taking her son along. I told her it wasn't a problem because we all enjoyed. I asked her if i could ask her a really blunt and honest question. I could she said. 'What the hell are you doing with that guy?' was my message. She answered very politely, and even though there were troubles she was commited making her marriage work she said. I asked her to make me a promise. If the marriage would ever fail she had to promise me that i could take her out. We'll see she just answered. Her son also noticed things weren't all good at home. I made him a promise that no matter what i would be there for him, and i was gonna make sure nothing would happen to him or his mom.

Well...one thing led eventually to another to cut the story short. She ended the relationship and the choice was either move into crisis shelter in another city OR for the time being with somebody she knew. And i was the only one she 'knew' The officials asked me if i could provide bed and bread shelter and ofcourse i did. I was living in a family home alone for half the time. Even though she was in a crisis situation (the guy was really aggressive) we really hit it on....i mean....big time! We were meant to be.

So, she looked around for a lawyer for divorce, and believe it or not...she got a reply from an office giving information and THAT mail was signed by Maurice de Jager, which is my late brother's name.

Her husband tried to move heaven and earth to get even with her, to fight the divorce, to get her sent back to the Philipines or even get her into jail for 'adultery'. He really stalked us; slashing tyres, explosives in the letterbox(inside the house), tried fighting me, tried groping her, hired someone to set fire to my car which was parked against our kitchenwindow. It were traumatising times for us all. I got a lot of police attention up to a court hearing.

So...after like two years of living there we decided to do a paternitytest for Deon just to make sure. I NEVER doubted my fatherhood with him, but before setting next steps in my new and happy relationship she wanted to know for sure. Deon didn't have ANY features or resemblance of me, which deep down i somehow also realised.

The result of the first test just blew my world. 100% sure not my son. Upon confronting his mom she denied any wrongdoing or remembering of that time. Eventually we did a bloodtest which confirmed the earlier test.
I was living in grief. How can i deal with such a situation? Telling your six year old son that you are not his father is just devastating. It broke me.

I had to go to court to ask for denial of fatherhood ànd defend that in a higher court. It took two years just to settle that. All the debt i settled for her...gone...the time wasted on her...gone...my house....the inventory...gone....and worst: my son....gone....the co parenting stopped ofcourse.
I still have time with Deon...every month or so. Special times...i am his hearts-dad, and i am proud of the bond we have. It is still a heavy burden, but i'm managing. Especially since the mom is not doing the best she should for them. I hated her, but choose to interact in a somehow normal way, because i don't want to spent my energy on hate.

In the meantime me and my filipina girl and her son moved. We got a nice house now with a great enviroment, we love our time together.
I am happy. Since last year i can call her my wife, and i am very happy with that. She completes me. Our future is bright. She is very ambitious and energetic. I can't even keep up haha.

I am 46 years old now and on the waiting list for a hip replacement. I feel like a cripple sometimes. But...i am very positive in life. I count my beautifull blessings, and my heartbreaking luggage which makes me ME. Priorities change in life. Every once in a while i do some live mixing or help people out with sound issues. I now make my money painting. Am i happy with that?...no not really...does it pay my bills....yes...am i good at it....yes....life just caught up with me. I am proud of who i am, the things I love doing besides my job. That makes it worth while. I love cooking with my wife...i love diving, i love spending time with my loved ones.

But...the dNa-DeON and the dNa-TrinityFX are unfinished business which i hope i will be able to finish in the not to far future.

Until then...i put all my love and knowledge in my plugs, i love scope, and therefor i asked Holger if it would be okay with him i give a special gift to the community. It is a plugin i am especially proud of. I put such an incredible amount of time in developing it, it really was my own concept, instead of an emulation..and i want it to be used. I want it to be remembered on the Scope system, because it shows what one can do with the system.

The announcement will probably come from Sonic Core probably around Newyear 2026 somewhere. Make sure you are listed for the Sonic Core newsletter to get an update on that!

Yes you read it correct: a totally awesome dNa plugin imho totally free for customers, loyalists and newsletter subscribers!

Merry Christmas and the best wishes for all your years to come.

With love, yours truly,
Ray
dNa - Digital n Analog

[nebelfuerst]

What an impressive story, what life can put on someone.
It's hard to read, how kids are affected by adults messing up their own and kids lives.
I must also be hard for a perfectionist to survive in a caotic environment. (I can feel your perfection by using your devices.)
Your description of "a Scopian" is the perfect definition, I agree by 100%, that's why I'm writing these lines

[yayajohn]

Ray;
Thank you for sharing your life-story these past years. Absolutely incredibly sad series of events you endured.
I wish you and your family the very best going forward.
Time to purchase some more dNa devices

Dan

[valis]

Welcome back RA, I do hope you'll be more present but whatever life holds I'm glad you made it this far. This is something we all have in common here.

[sunmachine]

That's a very touching story, Ray. Maybe you should write a book about it.
All the best to you and your loved ones!
Merry Christmas and thank you for the gift!

P.S.: Loren is a female AFAIK (with a good soul just as yours)

[LorenOA76]

Ray, thank you for sharing your story and for all the love you’ve given to Scope over the years. This community is built on great people who help each other.

Merry Christmas to you and your family, and my best wishes
Thank you also for this wonderful gift to the community. We are very happy to have you back!

cheers,
loren

P.S. Men have great souls too

[Holger Drenkelfort]

Dear Ray,

thank you for sharing such an open personal story. That you have come through all of this and can now say you are happy deeply moves me.

Scope has never been just a technical platform. It has always been shaped by the people around it. Their passion, their ideals, and their willingness to create something authentic. Your work with dNa, your plugins, and your ideas are part of the Scope story, regardless of how quiet things became for a while. And personally, I highly value our friendship!

That is why I am genuinely glad to feel your fire again. Knowing that dNa-DeON and TrinityFX are still on your horizon means a lot. But even more important is this: do it at your own pace and in your own way. ANd I know then it is done with passion and love.

Your decision to give something back to the community is shows what the Scope community mean to you. I sincerely thank you for that.

I wish you strength, health, and many peaceful, happy moments with your family, especially during the Christmas season. And I'm certain the community listens, understands more than one might think, and is genuinely happy to hear from you again.

Thank you for being here, my friend!

All the best to you!

With Love
S|C Holger

[RA]

Thank you guys for your kind words, you have no idea how much i appreciate them.

As our dearest friend Dawman used to say...ANKYU

[shayart]

Thank you for sharing your story!
You are a brave and believing person!
I have learned one important thing in life...everyone gets what they deserve in the end!!!
You will get yours
because you deserve it for all the giving!!

Merry Christmas to you and your family

[astroman]

In fact a touching story...
I wish you all the best while continuing your way.

too late for Christmas, too early for New Year but strength & honor to you (and your loved ones)

[Sounddesigner]

Glad to see you back Ray! Looking forward to future dNa devices! I always felt your devices were well designed, efficient and of high-quality!

Very interesting story, it reads like the makings of a Blues song! Nice to see you found some happiness with love in the end!

[Bud Weiser]

Glad to see you back Ray! Looking forward to future dNa devices! I always felt your devices were well designed, efficient and of high-quality!

^^^^^^
THIS !

+1



Bud

[Joey]

Wow, that's some story!
Good to hear things have turned for the better now

Joop

[RA]

<3